Nosferatu

Nosferatu (1922)

            This German horror flick has been on my “need to watch” list for quite a while. Yes, I have a written list of “must see” silent films. That should give you a good picture of how epicly exciting my life is. (After I'm done editing this I'll probably organize my stamp collection in descending order from most boring to slightly less boring.) Anywho, here are some thoughts on Nosferatu.

            First off, the movie is called Nosferatu because the studio couldn't get the rights to Bram Stoker’s Dracula. The Stoker family sued the filmmakers for copyright infringement anyways and ordered that the film be destroyed. However, one copy survived to be passed down to us and stand as a testament to the great things that can be achieved through copyright infringement. 

        Secondly, and I know he's an unholy abomination and all, but I kind of feel bad for ol' Nosfer. He's tall, gangly, unpopular. He looks a lot like I did in high school actually.

Try picking up girls in your mom's station wagon looking like this.

       Also, I'll say this for Nosferatu, however dated the film making techniques it used become, the image of Nosferatu is profoundly creepy, and for a film shot in 1922 to still be creepy to our modern, investigative-murder-porn society is a true testament to the power of German expressionism.

      Nosferatu is exactly what a vampire movie should be. It's scary, it's unsettling, it's vaguely anti-semitic.

It doesn't romanticize the vampire, but demonizes it. Unlike other vampires, Nosferatu's existence is depicted as evil rather than morally neutral. Of course, I wouldn't mention any of these other vampires by name.

I mean come on! Nosferatu totally wore the black jacket first. Also, Edward is one of those vampires who peeks in high school. Nosferatu is the kind of satanic abomination girls don't appreciate until they're in their thirties and are ready to settle down.

          The last thing I'll say about Nosferatu is that he's skinny enough to lose a tug-of-war to Angelina Jolie. The dude is skin and bones. Now, I'm not a doctor, but I'd venture to say that a diet consisting solely on the blood of the innocent might not have sufficient protein and carbs. But hey, if you're trying to lose some quick weight before beach season the Nosferatu Diet might be for you!

I mean look at that thigh-gap. Is eternal damnation and separation from all light and human connection worth being a size zero? Most Americans say "yes!"

      Which brings me to my last point. Who is the real monster? Nosferatu, or the society that forces him to conform to an unrealistic standard of beauty?