Check out that forehead. That's the forehead of a Saturday Morning Cartoon supervillain. Lots of scheming going on in there.
I'll cut to the chase and say that this movie was straight up terribad. It's almost hard to believe that three years after Orsen Wells revolutionized cinematography in Citizen Kane the creators of Revolt of the Zombies were still struggling with shot-reverse-shot. Seriously, I had a friend in high school who made betters movies than this when he was sixteen.
To put it in perspective, this movie is even worse than the screenplay I'm working on; The Mummy 5: revenge of Tupac and Whitney Houston.
Here's a movie poster I made using MS Paint. The premise is that Tupac and Whitney Houston (both played by Eddie Murphy) come back as mummies who can only be laid to rest if they are defeated in America's Got Talent, and the only man who stands any chance of winning is Brenden Fraser. Unfortunately for Fraser, he'll have to stop Tupac from turning all of LA into one giant thug-mansion first. After an hour and a half of fun and excitement, Brenden Fraser finally realizes that the only real mummy is the desiccated corpse of his career. Roll credits; collect Oscars.
I plan on a straight to DVD release, and I'm already in talks with TNT about syndication rights. Overall, I'm feeling rather confident about the whole project because even if I have to settle on Michael Bay as director, this film will still won't be as awful as Revolt of the Zombies.
Speaking of Revolt of the Zombies, you're probably expecting a synopsis or something. Basically, there's this weird Asian dude who is the last weird Asian dude to know the secret of making zombies.
Yeah, him on the left. We should have known Buddhist pacifists couldn't be trusted.
Naturally, a good, trustworthy, white man steals the secret from him and starts making zombies of his own. Shortly thereafter his fiance dumps him because he can't satisfy in bed, and in his darkest hour, his best friend gives him a speech straight out of Scarface.
"Gee Harry, awfully sorry your fiance left you and now she's sleeping with me, but here's what you need to do:
As it turns out, this isn't exactly the best thing to say to someone capable of creating an army of zombies. He goes on to zombify everyone he comes into contact with, that is, everyone except his ex-fiance who he is still obsessed with. Sadly, even after mastering the powers of life and death, a bro still cannot escape from the friend zone. His ex-fiance tells him that she likes him, just not in that way, but she still really wants to be friends. Upon hearing this he releases all the zombies under his control and in their rage at being turning into automatons they revolt against their master and kill him. The fiance, happy to have all that awkwardness with her ex finally over, promptly goes back to knocking boots with her ex's best friend (I think that guy's name was Chuggs or something) and the two of them live happily ever after. Because they're the . . . heroes?
The moral? No one escapes the friend zone. NO ONE. All you can do is ruin countless lies and get murdered by zombies trying.
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